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Far-fetched thoughts

Okay, I know I said that I'm okay with not passing, and that I've made peace with having to do bootcamp again. But let me tell you about my wild secret hope.

My wild secret hope is that all of my skills scores will be really impressive, and that really my weak points are my speed and endurance. And that maybe the coaches will decide that the only way for me to really improve those two things is for me to skate with the people who are faster and stronger than me. Kinda like how, if I had a student who was borderline honors-level, I might actually just move her into the honors class and hope that the faster pace and more focused atmosphere would spur her on to improvement, rather than keep her mired among the screwy unmotivated kids.

NOT that I'm saying the new bootcampers and repeat bootcampers are screwy and unmotivated. That's not the case at all. Everyone works really, really hard. And I am not better than all the new and repeat bootcampers. That's not what I'm saying at all.

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that the only way for me to improve on speed and endurance is to keep practicing in a structured team workout situation, and if I repeat bootcamp, then I won't get to do that until September. So even if I had to start at the bottom of the totem pole with the regular league right now, at least I would have the chance to keep improving and keep my momentum going, among people who are better than me, so I can strive to match them. It would be better for me to keep going from my current level right now than to stop, take a long break (and we all know how impossible it is to get a real workout during open skate or alone), and then start over at the beginning. It's a legitimate worry of mine that I will lose a lot of conditioning and muscle memory over the next few months.

But that's just a wild fantasy. The truth is, while I think I did well on my skills, I don't know how well. In truth, I could've just barely passed those. Who knows? I won't find out until Tuesday.

But... one can dream.

PS - can I just say that September will now be a double-edged sword for me? On the one hand, I really want September to come now so that I can do bootcamp again. On the other hand, I always dread September because, duh, it's the start of a new school year, with all its stressors and frustrations.