A few of the girls from my bootcamp class have announced on FB that they're official SVRG league members now. And while I am thrilled for them, I am finding myself thoroughly depressed. They are where I hoped to be, where I wanted to be so badly, but I'm not there, nowhere near it. It's really depressing me.
The truth is, I haven't skated since the end of bootcamp because I just can't bring myself to. It hurts a lot (and I'm not talking about muscles). I'm not angry or bitter towards anyone - I love those girls! - but skating has become touchy for me because I'm so goddamn depressed about it. I'm sad that I didn't pass, and I'm sad that I would've been a derby girl by now if I had passed, and even though I still love the sport, right now I just can't jump back on the horse because it still makes me sad. I don't want to get too in-depth right now, because I'm typing this from a location where I don't have the luxury of crying if I need to, but let that be an indication of how I feel - if I talk about it too much, I will cry.
Forget about the league, forget about the derby, and the fact that you didn't pass some test while others did. One of the hard things about being in a bootcamp is that while you improve a lot, so does everyone else, and if you start out behind, you feel like you're never catching up even if, in absolute terms, you've made a lot of progress. So forget about all that for now, and try to just enjoy skating. I mean, skating is FUN. You have wheels and you go fast! And, maybe you'll learn something new the next time you skate, which will only make it more fun.
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