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In anticipation of me seeing Eclipse tomorrow...

I give to you... some of my favorite Sparkle Snark. Yes, I'm a Twilight fan, but with some ironic distance. Meaning, I've read the books a gazillion times, I could probably write a thesis about it, and I can toss around the characters and factoids as well as any Twihard (and heck, I am even acquainted with the term "Twihard"!), but I could just as easily roll my eyes at the drama and ridiculousness and bad writing as I could squee over how freakin' awesome Alice is. (She's my favorite character. Team Alice!)

Anyway, naturally, I'm drawn to other people who can manage to be more smark than mark (those two terms come from wrestling - a "mark" is wrestling fan who totally buys into everything that's going on story-wise, and a "smark" is a wrestling fan who is smart enough to know better, but enjoys it anyway). I've amassed a collection of fun writings, reviews, and commentary on the Twilight movies and books, and now I'm doing to put them all together in this entry and share them with you. Because if you can't laugh at Twilight, you're no fun.

(PS - Language/content warning. If you're not supposed to be exposing yourself to swear words and lots of jokes about how Bella really wants to do IT with Edward, then maybe you shouldn't click on these. Adult language and adult content because to adults, Twilight is pretty frickin' ridiculous. And funny!)

First is the newest one that someone sent to me. I'm a knitter, and I love Twilight. And thanks to Ravelry, I know other knitters who also love Twilight. Therefore, this link will probably really only be funny to them. Unless you, too, are familiar with the magic that is Malabrigo: Proof That No Matter How Bad It Is, Knitting Makes It Better

Next we have a couple blog entries from one of my favorite humor writers, Jen Lancaster (chiefly famous for writing really funny memoirs about her life). She has decided to re-enact the Twilight films using her Twilight action figures (and sometimes her dog, since there needs to be werewolves). Here are her versions of New Moon and Eclipse.

Then we have Growing Up Cullen, a series of conjectures and speculation about Edward pre-Bella. Basically, at some point in one of the books, Edward talks about how everyone else was busy "coupling" while he had no one, so he had a lot of time to pick up a lot of hobbies. As they say, "I like how we turned Edward into a 40 year old mother on a bad day." Hilarious, and highly inappropriate (seriously, kids, do not read this). Part 1 and Part 2.

And then of course, there's Cleolinda, a Livejournal blogger famous for her hilarious "Movies in 15 Minutes" recaps. She is equal parts snark and social commentary and Sparkle Squee. I highly respect her opinions on the series, and I totally laugh out loud at her writings. She has totally changed the way I view and enjoy the entire franchise. Her recaps are very well-known and were even featured on a Time Magazine blog and mentioned in New York Magazine. Hardcore, man.

You have to read these in the order she wrote them, so you can kind of see how she has developed her thoughts and her writing. Don't read all the Twilight stuff first, then the New Moon stuff, then Eclipse, etc. They're chronologically sequential - she does make lots of self-references. Whatever. Just read them in this order, okay?
  1. Twilight book recap
  2. New Moon book recap
  3. Eclipse book recap
  4. Breaking Dawn book recap, part 1
  5. Breaking Dawn book recap, part 2
  6. Breaking Dawn book recap, part 3
  7. Midnight Sun recap, part 1
  8. Midnight Sun recap, part 2
  9. Movie recap: Twilight in Fifteen Minutes
  10. Movie recap: New Moon in Fifteen Minutes
  11. *ETA* Initial thoughts on Eclipse (I waited until I watched the movie first AND wrote about it before I read this, so we have a lot of coincidentally similar points) 
  12. *ETA* Movie recap: Eclipse in Fifteen Minutes
There are a lot of other Twilight parodies, satires, and commentaries out there, and a lot of them are just plain mean-spirited. I enjoy the ones I linked to above because even though they're poking fun at Twilight, deep down, there's some love there. That's how I feel about Twilight too. :)
Going to see Eclipse tomorrow, finally! Yay!