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Month of Blog, Day 18: My Future Wedding

Is it a cop-out to say that I have no desire to have a wedding? Because it's true - weddings make me think "tradition," "stress," and "fairy-tale princess fantasy wish fulfillment," and none of those things appeal to me. I have no interest in spending thousands of dollars on a foofy white dress that I'll wear only once, on flowers that will die, on invitations that people will toss in the trash.

I have nothing against the institution of marriage (I do plan to marry someday, even if I don't actually want a wedding), and I don't even mind attending other people's weddings (as long as they are people I care about - I can't tell you how many distant-distant-distant relatives' weddings I've had to attend, and they were excruciating!) But I have no interest in having one of my own, and I certainly don't care a lick for the societal pressure to do it bigger and badder than everyone else. I've never wanted to be a princess, and my "special day," to me, is already my birthday. I don't like dressing up for other people. I don't like other people looking at me while I stand there trying not to tip over. I don't like following conventions just because that's what everyone else does. I don't like being forced to wear white, because I'm no virgin (to quote Miranda from SATC, "I have a child! The jig is up!"), and I don't believe that half the people who get married these days are anyway, and I don't support the notion of forcing women to be pure for their men. It's sexist bullcrap. (I also don't like how weddings usually end up being all about the bride, and the groom's wishes never get heard. I recently attended such a wedding, and felt sorry for the groom the entire time. The wedding wasn't even in a language he could understand!!!)

But I do like the idea of celebrating the love between two people. In my case, it would be three - me, and Jimmy, and Jolie. If we're going to stand up and declare ourselves united for all eternity, then I am sure as hell including our daughter - I would want it to be about our family unit. I guess I don't really understand the point of standing up and declaring anything anyway - Jimmy and I have been together for 12 years now. If we stand up and say, "Yay, we'll love each other forever," I would only expect people to be like, "Well, yeah, I sure hope so - you two have a kid together!"

I don't want to come off as being judgy. Like I said, I'm okay with other people having weddings, because it's an occasion that means different things to different people. (Okay, so I AM slightly judgy about women who are totally all about the princess fantasy wish fulfillment and are like "ME ME ME" and want to spend 5 digits on a dress when you could totally buy a brand new Corolla with that kind of money. But only slightly judgy.) I will actually be IN a wedding coming up soon, for two of my dearest friends from college, and I'm so honored to be asked to be a part of their special day. So I'm not scoffing weddings themselves. I do scoff the wedding industry a bit, because people can get away with charging you up the wazoo because they know that there are people who are like, "NOTHING BUT THE BEST!!!!" (just like the baby/new-parent industry). I love simple weddings, I love non-conventional weddings, I love weddings that are all about the couple, and NOT all about putting on a show for everyone, you know? - What are you trying to prove? "Yay, I'm not an ugly, old, undesirable loser, because someone's marrying me"? That's not what weddings should be about.

Anyway. In keeping with the idea of making the wedding all about the couple, the truth is that Jimmy and I have zero interest, so... not having a wedding would be perfectly in keeping with our wishes. Me, I wouldn't mind just taking some photos and getting together for a dinner and keeping it all as dressy or casual as you would like it to be. I swear, I might just host a barbecue (RIIIBS!) barefoot, in a pinup dress. I don't want to squish my feet into painful shoes, and I do not want other people squishing their feet into painful shoes for me. I don't want to dance - GOD NO, I don't want to dance - and I don't want to have to listen to any religious talk or any of that. I just want to sign the papers, take some pictures, and eat some really, really good food. (I would still TOTALLY have a ginormously good cake.) We'll just hang out, and Jolie will be so cute that she'll steal all the attention anyway, and then we'll call it a night.

That's what I would want.


  1. You know, my wedding is still pretty close to what your last paragraph is about. Yeah, we're having a venue, dressing up a bit nice (but that's because both of us like dressing up nice), but our wedding is still entirely about us. Of course, will touch on this on my post. =D

  2. i'm totally with you on most of your points. we decided to do our wedding (semi) low key, but we knew it was more about our families coming together and celebrating than it was about us. plus our parents paid for it, so it didn't cost us a thing!


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