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Trying to be an adult about this

As I'm sure most people do, I have an angsty teenage girl lurking in my psyche. Sometimes when I get upset about things, she tends to come out.

Right now, I'm upset about some friends. Now, we're all adults, and I should be an adult about this, but the hurt little girl inside me is stamping her foot pretty persistently. I have these friends who I used to be really close to, whom I would talk to all the time and see all the time. When I was going through some tough times, I really depended on them, and they were absolutely there for me.

We're not so close anymore. Not because of any falling out - they're just really busy, and they live further away now, and we don't see each other as much. But now we don't even talk as much, either. No particular reason, we just... don't. And it makes me sad. But I'm so afraid to bother them, because they're so busy all the time (by their own admission), that I don't extend any invitations or anything or try to call. And they don't extend invitations or call either, I assume, because they're so busy.

So what does it mean when they are spending tons of time with other friends of ours, but not with me?

I can't help but feel hurt and left out. And I would feel dumb saying anything about it to them, because hello, how needy and insecure does that sound? "Hey, why don't you like me anymore?" But I AM feeling insecure. Like, what did I do? Why DON'T they like me anymore? (Correction, they do like me, but I guess not enough to want to hang out with me on any regular basis.)

The adult in me is like, "Hey, just let it go. Do your own thing. You have your own posse now anyway, from derby, and you adore them, so just let these ones go." The angsty girl in me wants pout and cry and be sad. I hate to lose friends, especially when it's for no reason. We didn't fight. We still like each other and say hi. We've just... drifted. But I can't help but take it personally that they're willing to make time for our other friends (who also, by the way, don't make time to hang out with me anymore), but not for me. No one from that particular group of my friends wants to make time to hang out with me. The angsty girl is crying, "Woe is me!" and she means it.

Of course I'm not going to say anything to them about it (which is why I'm writing about it here, because I need to express it somehow), but it bothers me deeply. I guess I could try calling or inviting them over - it's not like I'm doing anything productive here that would improve the situation. I'm not saying I'm doing all I can. And it's not like I'm lacking friends to hang out with (I've been spending lots of time with my fellow ex-Mizfitz and we have been having a blast), but... I really miss these friends.

I don't have a resolution or a conclusion here. I just needed to get this off my chest, because I feel really crappy about it. I'm not like this about ALL of my friends... it's just that these friends were (are) particularly important to me.

Comments

  1. I know what you mean. One of my best friends never calls me to hang out, but she hangs out with other not-as-close friends of mine and they do all kinds of things, like camping trips. No one has once asked me to do anything. Then her and another girl are like sister-sister. I've invited both to hang out, but we never do anything together again after. I feel hurt, of course, and I'm not feeling like I have a resolution either. It's good to know that you would understand.

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