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Bout day

It's hard to believe, but I've only officially bouted once. I say that because I feel like I've got a fair amount of interleague scrimmaging under my belt, and those always feel like bouts anyway, especially the last one we had against Sac City at the beginning of the month.

Tomorrow (or, today, technically) is only my second bout. And it's not like the last one - this is a home team bout. I'm on team Psychopathogens, and today, we face off against the Damas de los Muertos. These are girls that, on a normal day, I laugh with, get coffee with, banter with on Facebook, etc. But today? It's going to be like the Giants vs. the Dodgers all up in here.

It's already started - this week, I've been wearing my game face around like my favorite hat. Maybe it makes me come off as mean or "drama queen," but I need the intensity. I need the fire. I need to have a reason not to hold back when I'm out there on the track. I'm switching into "out for blood" mode, and it's this level of existence that I will maintain until the final whistle.

But other than that, I'm nervous. Of course I am. I'm nervous about the fact that our team has only 10 skaters who will be there (which includes myself). I'm nervous about the fact that I will be TIRED because I won't get as many breaks as I'm used to. I'm nervous about playing in front of my family and friends, nervous about doing something stupid, nervous about being completely useless when it really counts.

I'm nervous that the voices in my head that tell me that I'm not really actually that good and that I have no business playing roller derby will be proven right.

But it'll pass. When the first whistle blows, there won't be any time to be nervous anymore. It's getting to that first whistle that will be grueling. The anticipation.

I don't know how I will get to sleep tonight - I'm really keyed up, and my muscles haven't unclenched in about three days. Every time I get a free moment in my head, my thoughts turn immediately to scenarios on the track, and I tense up. I am very, very ready to get this over with.

Wish me luck. I'll post a recap after it's all over.