Thursday, February 28, 2013

Simple greens

It's been a while since I've done a makeup post. The depths of winter don't really inspire me much, but it's been sunny lately, and I'm ready for some pretty :) Here's a light splash of color for the workday.

- All over the lid - the lighter green from the Jealous duo from Urban Decay's Theodora palette
- In the outer corner - the darker green from the Jealous duo
- Along lower lash line - UD eye pencil in Mildew
- Cover Girl Clump Crusher mascara

Monday, February 25, 2013

Achievement unlocked: Disney's Coast to Coast challenge

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere
I want it more than I can tell
And for once it might be grand to have someone understand
I want so much more than they've got planned...

- Beauty and the Beast

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Major Magnet is HERE for iOS!!!

(Android coming soon)
This is an awesome game, and I'm not just saying that because my baby brother was the lead programmer :) I am not really into games, but even I had to admit, this game has a pretty cool concept.

Please download and spread the word!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Life after derby

I was a bit vague in my previous entry when I mentioned that I had retired. I'm going to attempt to explain myself here.

After the Psychos won the championship in July, I took 6 weeks off on personal LOA to take care of my non-derby life (much of which had been sorely neglected as I focused on home team season), and once I was gone, it was hard to come back. Not just physically, but emotionally - you become acutely aware of the fact that the world does in fact keep spinning without you, and you miss so much - not just the big important stuff like strategy and official business, but also little stuff like inside jokes - and it's hard as hell to get caught up. It's hard as hell to re-form the bonds that were weakened by your absence.

And that's the thing - it would've been easy enough for me to catch up on the official derby stuff. I considered myself a knowledgeable enough and skilled enough skater that I could've caught up on that just fine. The bonds, though - I'm not good at bonding and socializing. I mean, there were certain individuals within the league whom I held very dear, but for the most part, I was always kind of a loner at practices and have never been good at shooting the s*** and going drinking after practice and generally, you know, talking to people. I'm not outgoing. I'm totally an introvert and can be painfully awkward in large-group social situations, and that's a large part of what derby is. I think my connections to people were weak in the first place and as my absence prolonged, those connections all but dissolved.

And of course this is all on me. I cannot - and DO NOT - reasonably expect people to reach out to me when I haven't been reaching out either. People are not going to make an effort with someone who doesn't show up. I totally get that. It doesn't make me any less lonely... but I don't want you to think that I blame anyone.

So... yeah, there was my increasing self-isolation. Add to that some internal turmoil within the league (that I don't care to discuss), some large changes in the general world of roller derby (like a hefty change in rules that I haven't yet taken the time to learn), and my growing interest in other equally time-consuming sports (CrossFit and running)... and I had a glaringly obvious answer. It was time for me to say goodbye.

"So, how's it going, without derby?"

Well, friend, it's rough. I miss it. I absolutely do. I don't regret my decision, because I'm absolutely not in a place in my life right now where I have the bandwidth to support a hobby that requires such a hefty commitment (of time, of emotions, of brain power, of physical power) and I don't doubt that at this point, right now, I'd be more of a hindrance to any derby league than a positive contributor.

But all the same, I miss it. I miss the actual sport itself - the strategy, the physicality, and the aggression.

But I also miss my teammates. The camaraderie, the inside jokes.

I feel a bit lost. I allowed roller derby to define me for so long (well, three years isn't THAT long, but for me, that's a long time) that I'm not entirely sure what I am right now. I mean, it was literally an identity for me - I even had another NAME that people called me. And now that identity is no more. Or, well, it would be disingenuous to hang onto a derby identity when there's no derby to back it up.

I don't know if I'll NEVER skate competitively again. I don't like to say never. I know some people would be really happy to see me come back, either to PRG or to other leagues. But it's not something I can consider right now. I've got a lot of things I need to do and sort out. I'm no good to anyone if I don't take care of myself first, and that's what I need to do.

But I really do miss roller derby, I gotta say.


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

omagod I am drowning in knitting projects!

You can click on the name to see the official patterns & photos (what they're SUPPOSED to look like, not this wreckage that is covering my desk).




Camille cardigan:

Slipped rib scarf:

The Dark One (test knit - meaning, pattern is not publicly available yet):

Pause and reflect

I haven't written a blog post in almost a year. I've had a lot of stuff happen, some good and some bad, and I could've written a...