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We're dead upon our feet / but there's joy somehow in me

These last couple of days have been rough. I'm not sore, so much as exhausted - I think I can say, more than ever, that I fully understand Mrs. Bennet of Pride and Prejudice when she keeps going on and on about HER POOR NERVES, because the combination of all the stress, the heavy lifting, the long day, being around LOTS of people (I'm a total introvert in the sense that I get drained really easily around people and I always need lots of alone time to recharge), and the late drive home on Sunday night... well, you get the picture. I barely made it through the school day Monday, and decided that I really needed the day off yesterday because I needed to recover - not my muscles, but my entire nervous system.

I went to the gym last night intending to stretch, foam-roll, do my usual knee rehab routine, and maybe do some light lifting, which we call de-loading........

"WHAT? No way. You're squatting heavy today," says Steve, incredulous that I would dare suggest such a thing. 

I sigh. I frown. But I do it anyway. When your coach invokes the Shia LeBoeuf "JUST DO IT" video, you obey. I'm mentally exhausted, but my body is otherwise fine, so why not? I have a major goal that I'm chasing.

So eventually I get to 365, which is just above 95%, when Steve has me add on a few more of the small metal plates to get me to 390, my actual PR from last time. As I'm chatting with Steve and tightening my belt for the lift, Atsushi comes in and takes off some of those smaller metal plates and replaces with some larger bumper plates. I'm not really paying attention because I think he's just tidying up my barbell (when you consolidate plate weights, it takes up less space - one 15lb plate is narrower than a 10 and a 5), but apparently he was up to something...

I feel like both my coaches were conspiring to get me to 400 yesterday, and I love them for it :) It is not something I would've have chosen to do at the time (I would have eventually but not yesterday), but that's the good thing about having two people who really know you and believe in you - they see things in you that you don't necessarily see in yourself, and you can accomplish things that you wouldn't have thought of for yourself.

Like squatting 400lbs on very tired legs.

Like breaking 1,000 on my powerlifting total (squat plus bench plus deadlift).

I had made that my stretch goal months ago, when Steve had said to me offhandedly that for a woman to have a total around 1,000 pounds is a REALLY BIG DEAL. And so then, of course, I wanted it - I set my sights on that number the same way I once held "26.2" as a distant goal so long ago. It gave me something to aim towards. I wasn't sure at the time whether I'd ever get there or not, but I was going to try my level best.

And now I've done it.

There's a lot more room for me to grow, and there's a lot more work for me to do, but for now... I'm going to pause and reflect on this giant milestone, let it sink in. I'm feeling pretty great. I mean, I'm exhausted, and I feel like I could sleep for days, but... yeah, pretty great :)

Edited to add:
The blog post title comes from this song, which is my post-workout victory song that I blast in the car on the way home. :)