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Random thoughts for the day, on motherhood

So, you probably know that I'm super into planners, and Happy Planner's new line for 2019 features five different "Planner Girls": Socialite, Faith Warrior, Super Mom, Miss Maker, and Healthy Hero.

You can probably guess that I automatically gravitated towards Miss Maker (the "crafty" girl) and Healthy Hero (the fitness/health girl). Like, that's a given. If you know me, you know those are SO my thing. Like, absolutely no question there.

I am not Socialite, and I am not Faith Warrior. But the Super Mom label gave me pause. I mean, I AM a mom. I don't often think about myself that way, but I did at one point give birth to a human, and she's still HERE, and she's doing well, and by all counts, I am definitely momming here.

But why don't I think of myself as A MOTHER? (And definitely NOT a Super Mom, although I should note that they're being tongue-in-cheek, as evidenced by the example graphic above.) I'm thinking it's because society has always painted a picture of how moms are supposed to be (ever selfless and giving, perfectly primped, never disheveled, always has dinner ready for the family, makes everything from scratch), and even in our current era, there's STILL this expectation of what motherhood looks like--this Pinterest-perfect, organic-foods-only, dropping-the-kids-off-at-all-their-lessons-before-squeezing-in-a-yoga-class image of motherhood--that persists, and I AM NOT THAT.

Dude, I am messy. (I also say "Dude" a lot.) I can cook edible food, but I am no gourmet. I am tired often, and it makes me grumpy. Jolie probably shouldn't spend so much time on her iPad. Sometimes we bicker. Sometimes we get pizza and ice cream at 9pm on a Friday night. I have not been having Jolie do those "First Day of School" photoshoots with those perfectly-handwritten-in-chalk signs. (Her first days are also MY first days, and I'm lucky if I can make sure we both grab a granola bar as I jump in my car and she heads to the bus stop.) I avoid planning birthday parties like the plague because I feel awkward at social events, and standing around with Jolie's classmates' parents (whom I barely know) watching kids run around screaming sounds like NOT a fun time. (This year, I took her and her two closest friends to the movies. Fun and easy.)

But my child is kind. She is helpful. She is hard-working and respectful to others at school. She is  healthy and strong. She is LOVED. We have our inside jokes and favorite places and shared hobbies. Everyone tells me that my kid is a good kid, so I try to take them at their word and just keep it up.

So, I don't know. Yes, I am a mom, but I still have a hard time thinking of myself that way, because I do not feel like I fit societal expectations of "mother." Moms are judged so hard for everything that they do and don't do, and it's exhausting, because really, the first and foremost person that I should be answering to here is my own kid, and by all accounts, she is happy with my momming, so I don't know why I have such a conflicted relationship with this part of my identity.

I am someone's mother.

I am a MOM.

I might even be a SUPER mom, if for no other reason than the fact that this job is HARD, and I am hanging in there. (And I'm in loco parentis to about 200 high schoolers too.)

And if I am, then you are too, all you other moms! *raises a teacup*